Milk in my Cocoa Puffs

Something happened. Friday, after almost two (okay, 10) weeks of the constant hum, something lifted. I’d spent the day in a form storm. I mean, how many forms does it take to run a trade show? Seriously. The dust settled on that with two phone calls after I’d already spent too many hours obsessing and hand-wringing. I also got the books to balance and all of the red line items in my Aug – Oct cash flow analysis suddenly went black with one very timely entry. The 16-page brochure went to print. The invisible ink went back invisible to the client’s satisfaction — one postcard saved. The Bond martinis were ordered: one flirty, one dirty. The martini charms arrived. Along with the olives. And the picks. The participant instructions written and out for approval. The b-partner and I back communicating, and joking, about our utter lack of schedule overlap — after a few days of snippiness. It is what it is and we’re almost to the finish line. One more week…

We ordered Miss 6 some new first grade glasses, her school supplies arrived in a box with a handle after one or two mouse clicks. She also spent the week slogging around in creek beds looking for bugs at a nature camp. Happy as a clam — with one play date with Nanners thrown in for good measure. The hubby went to Arizona for a lovely couple of days in the blazing desert heat with glaring new co-workers ready for a turf fight. Showdown in the desert. Before that I got a night out with Purse Girl and Nanners’ mom and didn’t make it home until midnight, as chatty as we all were…☺

So. Friday came. The girlies woke up from marathon naps at 5ish. I put the laptop down. Turned off the crackberry. Started the Family Fun Times playlist. And we danced. We danced until the hubby came home. And then he danced too. We danced until dinner. Lit candles, opened wine, ate, laughed, talked. Then danced some more. Until time for bed. It was heaven. Both girlies were grinning from ear-to-ear. Their parents were back after a few months of work and family stress-induced hiatus. It was like the spell that had been cast over our house was suddenly lifted.

But then Saturday. The morning after. The hubby woke up a total crank from fighting a head cold, lack of sleep and traveling — and maybe too much Chumbawamba. I woke up still euphoric and he might as well of thrown a bucket of ice water on my head. So I made the self-preserving decision to ignore him. I showered, packed up the girls and headed downtown for coffee and errands. Without telling him. (I’m very mature…) As we pulled into the parking garage downtown, I noticed a red Jeep. Oh yes. The hubby had followed us. He was truly sorry. And he proved it with this grand gesture. No frantic cell phone call. No recriminations. He simply followed us and joined us and apologized for his behavior. It worked remarkably well. I found myself smiling in spite of myself. Simmering anger now a mere fizzle-pop-gone…

Life back intact, we grabbed coffee and breakfast at Saxy’s, ran a few errands and got over to the printer so I could proof and approve the 16-pager. It took TWO hours of my otherwise-mostly-intended-to-be-blissful-but-not-turning-out-that-way-Saturday — but now it will officially print on Monday. Plenty of time to get it collated, trimmed, bound, and fulfilled by Friday’s deadline. Whew.

Our Saturday ended in Erie. Sadly. (And, no, not because we were in Erie.) It’s because it was a gathering to bid Brother Brownnose and fam farewell. They leave our glorious state on Monday to fly away home.

After spending last night and then most of today with them (we helped pack and load the moving van today) — it finally hit me. I’m mad at them and unsupportive of their move for totally selfish reasons. I’m upset that they’re deserting us. After seven years of spats, ups, downs, etc., I’m truly sad to see them go. We had just started to really enjoy each other after far too long of taking each other and our proximity for granted. And it sucks. We’ve gotten pissed over sharing mom’s time when she visits. We’ve disagreed about food, interests and political leanings. We even went to therapy to figure some things out. But, yet, we’re family. We’ve been there for each other at our girls’ births. We’ve attempted to spend holidays together and even seemed like we may start some traditions. We’ve leaned on each other when things were rough. And it was nice that our girls had cousins close by. So even though we’ve neglected to be daily or even weekly participants in each other’s lives, it was always nice to know the other was there if the shit hit the fan. And as of tomorrow, the hubby and I are back to doing the wild west life officially alone. And that makes me sad.

I think having them here made me feel a little less homesick and little more like I had a wingman. Like we were on the same team. After all those childhood years of adversity and just too much, we could finally look back and laugh. That’s something you need siblings for. To share that look back. And that laugh. So when you factor in the giddiness of the family back there over having “won one back for the home team,” I couldn’t feel more lonely or left out. But this happening makes me even more certain that we live in the right place. That here is home. In the face of this true alone-ness, it doesn’t once cross our minds that we could live anywhere but here. So I guess that’s something.

I also realized that although I think they’re insane for going back, I truly want them to be happy. But I still just can’t believe they’re gone.


TODAY’S THEME SONG: Losing You. Ugly Americans. All the people. That I know. They all tell me. Just goes to show. Now matter where you are. I guess you’re still alone.